There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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