I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize