forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
