i can't believe i had my finger in that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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