Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
