You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
