we're chasing vodka with high fives
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
