its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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