You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
