her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
