Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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