Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
