he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
