eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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