I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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