You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
