we're blogging at a bar
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
