her vagine was all disorganized.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
