I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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