So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
