1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
