I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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