So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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