All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
