how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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