When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
