I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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