oh god the rape fog is back!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
