He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
