her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
