my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
