the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
