Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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