Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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