My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
