I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
