So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
