The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
