dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
