her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
