What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
