I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
