I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
