The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
