And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
