My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
