Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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