My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
