We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
