Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
