erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
