Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
