My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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