So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
