I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
