"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
