Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
should my penis look like a turkey
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
