I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
your like the ambassador to my penis.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
