I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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