4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
