Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
