Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
