this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
