your parents love me but you hate me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
