I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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