Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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